7/19/2002 12:23:00 AM   [ link ]

I'm sitting slouched at my computer because it takes far too much effort to sit straight. Ana is stretched out with her head resting on the corner of my keyboard. My mind wanders, and I realize I am paying more attention to the grain of the hardwood floor and the chirping crickets than I am to the short story I was reading. Everything in my room is so evenly cream colored that my black bookshelf startles me if I catch it out of the corner of my eye. I sit and focus on the stillness of my apartment until it begins to feel almost surreal. I realize suddenly that I never bothered to change out of my leotard from ballet class. My coiled-up hair is starting to give me a headache, so I let it down. I drink my Dr. Pepper (even though I really don't need any caffeine so late). I'm conscious of my posture now, so I sit tall and run my hands through my hair. Ana stretches and chirps at me, then falls asleep on my arm.

On nights like this I feel like I am the only person alive in the world.